By: Demitritus Payne, NB3FIT Program Coordinator
“How to deal with youth with problematic behavior.”
I’ve always had a strong dislike of this statement. Why? Because this statement vilifies our youth and it makes it look like their disruptive behaviors were done on purpose, for the fun of it, when in reality their actions could’ve been caused by a multitude of things. Things they may tell us about, and things they may never tell us about. This mindset of “dealing with problematic youth” is the problem. As coaches/teachers/educators or any person who works with youth, or has youth of their own, we should not be “dealing” with our youth, but instead “working” with them.
Now the real question “how can we work with the youth to help them?”
It is my firm belief that in order for us to help our youth we must change our mindsets from that of “dealing” with them to “working” with them. This mindset must be changed because by “dealing” with them we are not helping them, which means we may be resorting to scolding them. Do they learn anything from the scolding? Probably not. However, working with them allows for a teaching moment. We can help them recognize what triggers the disruptive behavior and how-to acknowledge and move past it. For example, during programing (virtual or in person) when I notice our youth becoming distracted or see them losing interest in our activity, instead of scolding them or getting upset with I press the “pause” button on our activity so that we can take a short break. During this short break the youth are allowed to talk freely with one another, get up to move around/stretch, and use the restroom. During the break I try not to talk because I want the youth to facilitate their own conversations and connect with their peers. I find that giving them this break to be beneficial to the youth because after they often come back to the activity re-focused and ready to have fun
The thing to remember when helping the youth is that this must be a 50/50 process. Why must it be a 50/50 process? It has to be this way, because if not it is in essence like talking to a brick wall if the youth don’t meet you half way. This process of working together will not happen overnight; it will take time. It takes time because in order for the youth to meet us half way they have to trust us. A key point to remember, if the youth do not want to meet you half way please DO NOT force them to. No one likes being forced to do anything, so it will only make the process of trying to work with the youth even harder.
LISTEN! In the end everything boils down to this one word. In my opinion, this is the most underused tool we can use to help our youth. By listening to our youth, we can not only earn their trust, but we can also learn about them as individuals. While this may seem like the easiest thing to do, I assure you it isn’t, it is actually the hardest thing to do because it requires us to let go of our point of view (POV) and see things through the POV of our youth. By doing this one thing, we can show the youth that we will not only be here for them, but we will care/support/love/work with them.
My top 3 Coaching resources
- How to coach kids: https://howtocoachkids.org/
- Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success by Phil Jackson
- Up2US Coach trainings: https://www.up2us.org
About Demitrius:
Here is a little info about myself. My name is Demitrius Payne, I come from the Pueblo of Laguna and here at the foundation I am a NB3FIT program coordinator. I am also the lead coach for our Junior golf program while also assisting with our other programs. I learned about the program as a kid when I joined the NB3FIT summer golf programs; and in high school I asked to do an internship with foundation during one of its fall and spring seasons. After my internship that year I started working for the foundation during the summers and once I graduated high school I started working year round with the foundation and was also a full time student at UNM. I chose to stay with the foundation while I was going to school because I love working with the kids, I enjoy seeing their smiles and their joy for the activities we do I believe our programs are a great stepping stone for our youth to accomplish great things because not only do we teach them about healthy living (I.e. exercise, eating healthy, mental health ) we also teach them about leadership skills that will not only help them in the classroom but in the real world when they venture out into it.
